Hmm...

I'm feeling the effects of these sunless, joyless months. I usually love winter, but this gray, wet fug is wearing me out. I've been angry and depressed a lot lately. I've been eager to make things, to create. I think it has something to do with the fact that nothing is growing outside. I feel the need to compensate for it.

When I'm depressed I tend to feel very alone. I think that's pretty much how depression works. I think the worst thing you can do when you're depressed is to join a depression support group. It's like taking a bunch of people who are on fire and putting them together in a room so they can talk about what it's like to be on fire. Everyone in the room already knows what it's like being on fire. What they need is a bunch of people who AREN'T on fire to help put them out. And you can't put out a fire by smiling at it and giving it hugs. Typically, that just makes things worse.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just carrying too many superficial things around inside my head. I should make a list of the things that are getting me down and I should eliminate as many of them as I can, like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill. She made a list and she took care of it. Roll credits. Also, she had that super-cool yellow jumpsuit. I doubt they make that particular jumpsuit in my size.

Just another thing on my list.

Thank you,
Matt Beers