Newsletters of Christmas Present

Well-o and hello, everybodies! The following is the original final draft of the 2010 Beers Family Christmas Newsletter! It may contain some humorous tidbits you didn't get in the hard-copy, so, even if you think you've read it before, read it again now. I'm not messing around. Read it.

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Let's cut the intro crap and hit the 2010 recap, shall we? We shall. I'm steering this boat so just do what I say and pour on more canvas. Nautical talk!

2010 was the year of traveling, it seems. With trips to Arizona, Serbia (Wha-wha-WHAT?), and Oklahoma, the Beers family was hard-pressed to find time to enjoy their house, but as Matt and Betsy both work from home and pretty much spend twenty-four hours a day there, it weren't no thang.

And now, a quick breakdown of where they went and why and what happened while they were there:

Buckeye, Arizona (just south-ish of Phoenix)- Betsy's dad lives there among the sand and rocks. The Grand Canyon lives in the vicinity, as well. Matt got a lot of dirty looks while visiting the legendary hole by threatening, loudly, to throw his son over the railing if the boy didn't behave.

Serbia (just southwest of Romania which is just southwest of Ukraine which is just southwest of Russia which is keeping out of our business and, therefore, has nothing to fear from the United States... for now)- Matt went to help run an English camp in Opovo, Serbia, for sixteen days, which is a pretty hilarious thought if you've ever heard him speak English. It was an incredible, life-changing event for Matt. It isn't uncommon in Serbia to have cake for breakfast. Like, the best cake you've ever had. Life-changing cake.

Tulsa, Oklahoma (simultaneously north and south of itself)- Betsy has family there. Well, she has family here, too, but... whatever. She and her mom went for a visit. That's all you need to know. Whether or not Betsy entered an all-ladies arm-wrestling competition is entirely her business. But it might explain the look of perpetual fear in Matt's eyes.

Back home, life progressed normally. Matt and Betsy are still running their daycare. When it first started, Matt expected it to be a lot like Peter Pan and is a little discouraged to find that it's quite a bit more like Lord of the Flies. Betsy, ignoring Matt's concerns that the kids have started calling him "Piggy," has organized the daycare in the tradition of a preschool. This involves a stricter routine, a more intentional curriculum, and, hearkening back to the days of olde, beatings. The kids love it. Or else.

Jack is now in the first grade and loves reading and math and Star Wars, which he insists is an actual subject and, if the boy is telling the truth, Matt couldn't be happier with the staff at Huntertown Elementary. Jack is a very imaginative boy who loves Harry Potter, superheroes across the board, and Legos. He loves to draw and build and play-act. He has recently been banned from the couch for various war-crimes and other abuses.

Macy, now three, loves music and books. She sucks at art, though. She also enjoys play-acting, frequently insisting that she be addressed as "Hermione" (one of Harry Potter's friends) or "Dan Zanes" (her favorite musician) or "Kim Jong-il" (that girl loves her some nukes). She enjoys playing outside and can frequently be found with her butt in a swing or crying because someone else got there first. She is becoming quite proficient with a lightsaber.

Zoe has recently started walking and she repeats most of what she hears, which is sometimes cute and sometimes hilarious. Or mortifying. Depends on who you ask. She, like her siblings, loves books and music and is rather fond of Nerf darts. They are relatively high in fiber and very chewy, so she gets to burn of a few extra calories. Every little bit helps.

2010 has seen its fair share of goodbyes, but it has also been filled with new friendships. There's a list. It's right below this. Keep reading.

Goodbyes: Conan the dog (He claims that Gary the cat has returned to power. Conan is in hiding, hunting down horcruxes so that one day Gary might be defeated. Good luck, buddy.), Lost (Jack and Kate and Sawyer and Hurley and all the rest of them kept us guessing right up until the end. Then we all got angry. I guess the lesson we learned is if you can't please everyone, please no one.), satellite television (Without Lost, what's the point of TV?), toxic cleaning products (If you really wanna know about this, and I mean REALLY wanna know, ask Betsy. Clear your calendar beforehand.), local Sonics (This had a bigger impact than you could possibly imagine. Fo' reals.), and Michael Jackson.

Hellos: Nerf guns (It started innocently enough, with one little Nerf gun so Jack could burn off some typical boy aggression. $200 later, Matt has an old Army footlocker in the garage packed with vicious, dart-delivering goodness.), non-toxic cleaning products (Apparently, everything in the world can kill you, except for vinegar.), "The 200lb Man" (Matt's completely and utterly breath-taking blog can be found at www.matthewdbeers.blogspot.com. Tell your friends.), and Ricker's ("Home of the famous Ricker Pop.").

Matt and Betsy would like to thank you all for meaning enough to them to warrant a stamp, unless you're reading this online, in which case this just became a little bit awkward. Merry Christmas, everybody!

Love,
Matt, Betsy, Jack, Macy, and Zoe

And the haiku you've been waiting for all year:

You waited all year
for this? I know. It's a bit
disappointing, eh?

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I was actually told tonight by our pastor's wife that this year's newsletter wasn't as good as some of my previous newsletters, so I punched her in the throat. She had it coming.

Merry Christmas, everyone!
      Matt Beers