Movies that won't make you smarter, but will at least make you feel like you should be. (Post 5 of 5)

This is it, ladies and other ladies. My two-hundredth post. It's been a long and bumpy ride, but here we are, nowhere nearer knowing where we're going than we were one-hundred and ninety-nine posts ago.

That sounded real nice.

Rushmore (1998) R

Max Fischer is a student at Rushmore Academy, a private boys' school. Surrounded by snobby, rich kids, Max is the ambitious son of a barber. Unfortunately, Max spends most of his time directing plays and starting clubs and is in danger of being expelled. This clashes with his goal of attending Rushmore for the rest of his life. There's hope that he might just hang on... until he falls in love with one of the teachers.

Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, and Olivia Williams form the most awkward, inappropriate love triangle imaginable, and it is our pleasure to watch their lives fall completely apart.

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) R

This is the story of a family of exceptional individuals with intense trust issues, inspired almost entirely by the patriarch (played painfully well by Gene Hackman). Ben Stiller, Gweneth Paltrow, and Luke Wilson play the Tenenbaum siblings, forced to juggle exceptional talents and deep insecurities. Anjelica Huston plays their mother, Danny Glover her would-be suitor, Bill Murray is Gweneth Paltrow's very confused husband, and Owen Wilson is the man she's sleeping with. It's all very jumbled and wonderful, like a junk drawer filled with things that have no purpose whatsoever, but that you don't have the heart to throw out.

The movie is narrated by Alec Baldwin and has dialogue so dry that a sheet of sandpaper might miss the humor. Yeah, that was a pretty lame metaphor, I know, but I'm not Wes Anderson.

Here's a brief sampling of the brilliance of The Royal Tenenbaums:

Eli Cash: I'm worried about you, Richie.
Richie Tenenbaum: Why?
Eli: Well, actually, Margot is, for some reason. But I did find it odd when you said you were in love 

with her. She's married, you know.

Richie: Yeah.
Eli: And she's your sister.

Pure Hollywood gold. And if you're wondering why the font has changed, I'm right there with ya'.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004) R

If you ask me to choose between The Royal Tenenbaums and The Life Aquatic, I might punch you

in the spleen. That isn't a threat I would recommend putting to the test, partially because I don't really

know where the spleen is and I might do some serious damage trying to find it.

The Life Aquatic is the story of oceanographer/filmmaker, Steve Zissou, who has seen better days. His 

partner and best friend (one person) was eaten by a mysterious fish and Steve (possibly Bill Murray's

finest role) vows revenge. On a fish. Very Moby Dick.

This story is positively choking with life lessons: revenge often leads to more revenge, focusing on

what was lost can often lead us to ignore what we've found, and some other stuff. Mostly it just makes 

me want my own blue Team Zissou outfit and red stocking cap.

At it's depth, The Life Aquatic tells the story of a man who has nothing left and is learning to live with 

that. A beautiful story told by some very eccentric people. 

So, there you go. My "Movies to see before you die," series is all done. I hope you paid attention. This 

is the kind of knowledge people go to college for, and you got it for free, so, you're welcome.

Thank you,

      Matt Beers