The headshot: Bane of slow gamers the world over.

This month has been among the busiest of my life. I'm perpetually exhausted, I have very frequent head and backaches, and to make matters worse, I've decided to give up soda. Giving up soda, I fear, is the catalyzing agent in regards to my exhaustion and headaches. The backaches are because I'm fat.

I've been keeping an eye on my stress levels, which come too close to peaking far too often. Every now and then I need to find a way to let off a little steam, just something to make me feel like I'm chasing away the rage building up in my chest.

Call of Duty. GoldenEye 64. Perfect Dark. These have been priceless aids in the fight against emotional outbursts. I meet about once a week (far more than that lately) with a couple of my friends and we plop down on a couch and spend a few hours ventilating each other's faces. Digitally, of course.

I should back up and point out that I'm talking about video games. No real ventilation takes place at these sessions. Well, some ventilation might occur, but we're pretty gentlemanly about it.

At this very moment, my wife is upstairs packing for a weekend scrapbooking retreat. She'll be leaving in about an hour. Right about then parents will start arriving to pick up their kids from our daycare. By four o'clock, I'm hoping that the only kids roaming the house will be my own. I will then bring in one of the two very large televisions currently residing in the garage. Who knows. I might bring them both in.

My very good friend Eric will be dropping by tonight. He promised to bring hot wings with him. Bringing food when you come to visit isn't a prerequisite, but it is a very nice thing to do. Once the last chicken bone has been licked clean and once the last child has been placed firmly into their beds, Eric and I will proceed to paint the walls with each other's insides.

This is a very good thing.

Thank you,
      Matt Beers