Betsy's dad is a big antique guy. I don't mean that he's large and old, I mean that, at an auction, he knows what stuff is valuable and what stuff is firewood. Anyway, he moved to Arizona a few years ago and there were a few items that he didn't want to take with him, but didn't want to sell because they had been in the family for hundreds of thousands of years (the fact-checker never got back to me on that one). One of those items was a pie-safe. Pie-safes were used back in the day to cool pies and other baked goods. They had these little panels made of tin that had fancy patterns punched into them with a nail. This made one side of the tin dimpled and one side very rasp-like. The theory was that to maintain proper airflow, the smooth side had to be facing inward, thus, any poor sucker who happened along and accidentally brushed up against it would be severely wounded (hence the phrase, "Bleedin' like a drunk on a pie-safe," which I just made up). For this reason, many antique pie-safes have had their tin panels flipped.
This may or may not be common knowledge, but "big antique guys," like Betsy's dad, tend to keep things in their original state whenever possible. This is why our pie-safe, the one Betsy's dad gave to us just before he moved to Arizona, has NOT had its tins flipped and is currently registered as a deadly weapon. The frickin' thing is like an inside-out iron maiden. It's literally safer to be inside it than to attempt a simple circumnavigation.
As a result of this seemingly innocent cupboard (covered in tiny, jagged spikes), I am currently sporting a Star Wars Band-aid on one knuckle of my right hand.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
But you get to wear an awesome band-aid. How cool is that? And more importantly your pies are always safe, and isn't that what is most important?
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