The 200lb Man: We'll have a lot in common until they grow up.

It's snowing. I know, I know... It's only March and snow is perfectly acceptable in March. But all of the January and February snow had just melted and it was starting to get sunny and everyone was just getting happy again.

What does one do when confronted with a seasonal depression that refuses to go away? One cleans one's dwelling. Or, if you're a guy, which I am, you clean your garage. Or, you start to and then end up doing something else. I'll explain.

You may remember a particular post in which I mounted all of my Nerf guns on pegboard in my garage. You can check it out by clicking this series of seven ampersands &&&&&&&. That post, for reasons unknown, is my all-time most popular post. And the fact that I have just linked to it can only increase its popularity. It's a self-replicating... thingy. I don't know the word for it and it isn't really the point I'm trying to make so I won't bother Googling it.

I look back at that post and I can't help but feel... shame. Yes, shame. I look at those seven plastic yellow and gray toy guns placed so carefully on display and I'm overcome with embarrassment. I'm a grown man (I have documentation to prove it) and here, for the world to see, is my childish pride, mounted on pressed sawdust. What must my wife think? How can my children stand the ridicule?

Seven Nerf guns.

I can do WAY better than that. How about twelve?

I feel much better about myself and my children aren't ashamed to be seen with me in public anymore. And my wife, well, let's just say... nothing. She would hurt me in ways that don't get better.

And speaking of my children, I'd like to show them off a bit.

First is Jack. He turns seven at the end of the month. He loves to read and play video games and has a crazy-active imagination. He's also quite the artist and I hope, with dollar signs in my eyes, that he'll become a successful comic book artist some day.

Macy, 3 1/2, is our second oldest. She enjoys chatting and playing house and reading and bothering her siblings. She's super-sweet sometimes and is just starting to develop her own interests and is learning to be manipulative. Someday she'll marry a billionaire and convince him to spend his entire fortune on shoes.

Our youngest is Zoe. She's eighteen months old and has just discovered that everything exists for her benefit. She's hilarious. She's talks all the time and loves to run around and get into everything. She loves books and music and my iPod. I can see her being crazy cat-lady after her first two husbands die mysteriously. If you'll turn your attention to the picture below you'll see that she's trying to sneak up on her toes to make sure they aren't planning a coup.