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Friday, June 10, 2011

I'm digging my own grave, but as I plan on being a very lazy zombie, I'm digging it shallow.

Betsy and I just played two games of Phase 10 Dice, both of which I won. As our good-natured second place finisher rose from the table, a rumble arose from her bowels, bursting forth like stinky applause, to which she replied, "Oops."

Is this the kind of sportsmanship we are teaching our children, America?  Are we really saying, "Rather than congratulate you with encouraging words, I think I'll break wind. Don't worry. You're worth it."

Which brings me to my next point: Can "'til death do you part" be an amicable parting?

I'm joking, of course, but if any of you hear that I've died under mysterious circumstances in the coming weeks, maybe ominously drop Betsy's name whenever talking to the police.

Thank you,
      Matt Beers


  1. You may need to adopt the ending tag line currently utilize over at eOff the Record...

    In other news, I'm so glad you enjoyed Holes. Louis Sachar is flippin sweet. He has 2-3 other book I really want to try. Did Swallows and Amazons finish to your liking?

  2. Evan, Swallows and Amazons was incredible. I was very bitterly sad when it ended, much like the last day of summer camp, but I'm thrilled that there are eleven more books in the series.

    And I was able to find it in my heart to forgive Captain Flint.