We're devils and black sheep, we're really bad eggs. Drink up, me hearties! Yo-ho!

Every summer something awakens inside of me. Sweat glands.

Being a chubby sort of fellow, it doesn't take much in the way of heat and humidity to set off my circulatory system's automatic cooling devices nestled in my rolly-polly places, of which I have many. Before the end of May, it never fails, I'm shunting fashion and propriety to one side in favor of flowy, breathy clothes, regardless of how they look or in what decade they were manufactured. This has resulted in me looking very much like a pirate. I will now share a very poignant quote:

"Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be." - Kurt Vonnegut

Having dressed piratey for the last several days, I am now thinking piratey as well. I went to WalMart this evening looking for rum, hoping to also drink piratey, but I ended up buying some hard pink lemonade instead. I am a sensible pirate, it would seem.

Thinking piratey has worked wonders with the daycare, I should point out. I simply pretend that I'm used to harsh swearing and... what else do pirates do? Anyway, by comparison, the daycare kids are really quite manageable, which isn't to say that my role as quartermaster has been overlooked. For example, I made this today:

This is Lucero Grandor, our new pirate-hitty-thingy. I tied a red scarf on the handle end because it seems a very garish and flamboyant and Jack Sparrowy thing to do. I haven't had a chance to use it, yet, but I'm pretty sure that when I do I'll injure myself. It's gonna be awesome.

I consider immersion in Pirate Mode a perfectly acceptable coping mechanism when faced with the harsh and cruel heat of summer... which hasn't even started yet. When one considers the alternative (Hobbit Mode), Pirate Mode isn't so bad. My wife may feel differently.

Thank you,
      Matt Beers