The first rule is, "You do not have love handles."

Watch this clip from one of my favorite movies, Fight Club...


So, is that what a man looks like? The ideology and persistent theme throughout the film Fight Club would have us all answer a resounding, "NO!" But look here...

It's certainly what Brad Pitt looks like. So what conclusion are we meant to draw from this? That a man is not expected to practice what he preaches as long as he's got smokin' hot abs.

Hollywood, you've let me down yet again. Shame on you.

Thank you,
      Matt Beers

Real Estate Update

Our house has been on the market for exactly eleven (11) days and we have had four (4) showings and zero (0) offers. We have a house all picked out and we're just waiting for the money ($) to roll in from the sale of our house. There. You are now updated.

In other news, it's hot. I hate hot. Well, sometimes hot is okay, but not when you're talking about weather.


I've been a little preoccupied with Bill Murray lately, so, here's some Bill Murray.









Thank you,
      Matt Beers

Top five books... for the moment.

Watch this crap.



Good job. Now go here.

Thank you,
      Matt Beers

She's a techno-klepto!

Some of you may recall that I recently purchased an iPod Touch with money I received in lieu of Christmas and birthday gifts. Well, I have apparently been spending far too much time with it because, by mere observation, my 18-month old daughter, Zoe, has figured out how to use it. Watch this...



When I was a kid, it was very popular to comment on not letting "the television be the babysitter." Nowadays, people HOPE their kids will spend more time watching TV. It means they're home and not off dealing smack or mugging an elderly couple or disposing of a body or, if you're from my part of the world, holed up in a rusty tool shed cooking up crystal meth.

And here I am, an actual, and I hesitate to self-apply the term, "babysitter" whose youngest child has mastered technology that hadn't been invented until about two-and-a-half months ago. I'm shuttling back and forth between extreme shame and overwhelming pride. It's the same thing when I stand naked in front of a mirror.

Thank you,
      Matt Beers

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stones

Look around. Take note of everything. The temperature, what you're wearing, who you're with... remember it all. Someday, someone will ask, "Where were you when you first saw..." and you'll want to give as detailed a description as possible.

Of course, I'm on cold medicine at the moment so I'm not really sure if I even posted the right video. Whatever.



Not bad, considering we shot most of it between 9 and 11 last Thursday night and the guy who plays Professor McGonagall has never even seen the movie.

Thank you,
      Matt Beers

The 200lb Man, one year later...

One year ago today I began this blog. I didn't even have a name for it. It went through many changes in its first twenty-four hours of life. In fact, in the first three days alone I made nineteen posts. I was so young and naive. I believed that the world would flock to my musings like communists to a vaudevillian  mustache. I've learned much over these past twelve months, which is a lie, and I would like to thank all of you who have read this blog and have recommended it to their friends.

And now, a little video that has been prepared for your entertainment. When you've watched it, please visit my friends, as it was their willingness to make this video that convinced me that it wasn't a horrible idea.

Off the Record
Plan B
Two Bibliomaniacs




Thank you,
      Matt Beers

I'm totally phoning this one in.

Okay, so feeling like crap, being all dizzy and everything, and Mexican Mudslides does not a good blogger make. So, I'm just gonna post a couple of failed video blogs. Here ya' go.



If you're eating, you may not want to watch this next one. Fair warning.



Thank you,
      Matt Beers

Unscheduled Video Blog (but still awesome)

I am utterly and completely full of crap and I made this video just so I could hear myself talk on the way home from the gas station. Sorry, Betsy.


Thank you,
      Matt Beers

2011 Video Blog (part 3)

Please note before viewing this that I am NOT drunk.



Thank you,
      Matt Beers

2011 Video Blog (part 2 (part2))

Thank you,
      Matt Beers

2011 Video Blog (part 2)

Thank you,
      Matt Beers

2011 Video Blog (part 1)

Thank you,
      Matt Beers

Now with "Brownie Points!"

I probably should have spent some time today talking about the contest and the fact that it ended and that we have a winner, but instead, I did this:



Thank you,
      Matt Beers

A brief debriefing having almost nothing to do with briefs.

I've spent the last two days on the couch or on the toilet and I've lost nine pounds! Anyway, the contest, as you can see, is going quite well. Lots of voting and campaigning and backstabbing and mudslinging. I love it!

So, I intended to write several book reviews and then move on to something new, but then the contest took a lot longer than I anticipated and I got super-duper sick. I'll still do the reviews so everyone will know what they should be reading, but I'll probably be doing some other stuff as well. Like uploading videos of snow!

And some other stuff. So, sorry for the lack of bloggy freshness, but I've been pooping fire for two days.

Thank you,
      Matt Beers

More self-publicity...

How awesome am I? This awesome:



Thank you,
      Matt Beers

My couch back-sassed, so I had my kids beat it into submission.

This is how we roll at our house when the kids have a lot of energy:



No children were irreparably harmed in the making of this video.

Thank you,
      Matt Beers

WATCH THIS VIDEO! NOW! AND THEN AGAIN LATER!

My friend Eric asked me to help with a video he was making for church. This is the director's cut of said video. Enjoy and share.



Thank you,
      Matt Beers

Life on Porpoise

This is a video that was made for our church. It's launching some new campaign to make small groups boring, I think. Anyway, here it is...

Oh, and I'm in it.



Thank you,
      Matt Beers

The preative crocess.

Instead of writing for my blog, I've been doing some other stuff. Here are a few experiments which may or may not lead to an epic film.

So, that's what I've been doing. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

Thank you,
      Matt Beers

Disturbing and upsetting...

You never think it will happen to you. You say to yourself, "I know I'm at risk, just like everyone else," but you don't really believe it. Well, Superman, watch this video and then tell your babies why Daddy won't be coming home tonight.




You're welcome,
      Matt Beers