This is it. My last night of smelly bachelor freedom before my much-missed family comes home. Here's the movie line-up:
I threw that last one in there just because I love the show Firefly. But I'm actually getting ready to watch this one:
Good times. Good times... Not pathetic. Good.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Glory Days, part 2
Today I took a shower and emptied the dishwasher. Then I read the newspaper.
I've got to slow down before I hurt myself. I'm not as young as I used to be.
Yesterday was kind of a surprise day. I woke up at 11:00. I didn't wake up at 8:30 and go back to bed, I woke up at 11:00. I must have needed the sleep. Anyway, I got up and decided to skip the late breakfast farce and lunge right into lunch. I had leftover sausage roll and cherry pie. Then I lounged about in my pajamas ALL day watching movies and playing video games. Then, around dinnerish time I got dressed and went out for some sesame chicken and crab rangoon. Then I came home and watched a documentary called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. It was about how the food we eat is killing us. I spent the rest of the day watching movies while working out. This morning I was pleased to discover that I ache all over.
The movies I watched yesterday:
For the record, Master and Commander is one of my all-time favorite movies.
Now, I'm off to have lunch with my friend, the alpaca farmer, Brian Foss.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
I've got to slow down before I hurt myself. I'm not as young as I used to be.
Yesterday was kind of a surprise day. I woke up at 11:00. I didn't wake up at 8:30 and go back to bed, I woke up at 11:00. I must have needed the sleep. Anyway, I got up and decided to skip the late breakfast farce and lunge right into lunch. I had leftover sausage roll and cherry pie. Then I lounged about in my pajamas ALL day watching movies and playing video games. Then, around dinnerish time I got dressed and went out for some sesame chicken and crab rangoon. Then I came home and watched a documentary called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. It was about how the food we eat is killing us. I spent the rest of the day watching movies while working out. This morning I was pleased to discover that I ache all over.
The movies I watched yesterday:
For the record, Master and Commander is one of my all-time favorite movies.
Now, I'm off to have lunch with my friend, the alpaca farmer, Brian Foss.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Friday, July 29, 2011
I'm pretty sure my actual "glory days" had more police involvement...
Betsy and I have reached a very wonderful time in our marriage. We have agreed mutually that it's totally cool if she takes the kids to Oklahoma for five days to visit her family while I stay home. So, here I am, all alone in this big, empty house. What's a guy to do? Well, I'll tell you...
Matt Re-Lives His Glory Days (Day 1)
It's not all fun and games, you know. I did have to work today. Sort of. This is what I did with the daycare kids...
The plan is that we'll build a whole town (which the daycare kids have named "Betty City,") and then set it all up on a table and add little cars and things like that. What I haven't yet explained to the kids is that Betty City is being built between Angry Mutant Reptile City and Giant Killer Robotville. This won't end well.
As soon as the daycare kids left I rolled in the big-screens. Just two of them. I don't know why I would need all three at once. Besides, there isn't room. I checked.
With no kids to be negatively influenced, I immediately shoved Pulp Fiction into the DVD player and turned it up. I spent the rest of the day playing Lego Star Wars and listening to Quentin Tarantino try to direct himself. It was so much fun that eight o'clock rolled around and I realized that I had forgotten to eat. I rushed right out and bought a delicious sausage roll (with onions and green olives) and a lovely cherry pie. I then sat down and watched an episode of Flight of the Conchords while attempting to eat the entire sausage roll (I failed).
For more information on Pulp Fiction and Flight of the Conchords, see below:
I now sit here writing all of this down as if it would be interesting to anyone but me... and I'm realizing at this very moment that it isn't even interesting to me. But I refuse to be depressed. There's a whole cherry pie on the counter and I don't see anyone else around here that I need to share with.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Matt Re-Lives His Glory Days (Day 1)
It's not all fun and games, you know. I did have to work today. Sort of. This is what I did with the daycare kids...
The plan is that we'll build a whole town (which the daycare kids have named "Betty City,") and then set it all up on a table and add little cars and things like that. What I haven't yet explained to the kids is that Betty City is being built between Angry Mutant Reptile City and Giant Killer Robotville. This won't end well.
As soon as the daycare kids left I rolled in the big-screens. Just two of them. I don't know why I would need all three at once. Besides, there isn't room. I checked.
With no kids to be negatively influenced, I immediately shoved Pulp Fiction into the DVD player and turned it up. I spent the rest of the day playing Lego Star Wars and listening to Quentin Tarantino try to direct himself. It was so much fun that eight o'clock rolled around and I realized that I had forgotten to eat. I rushed right out and bought a delicious sausage roll (with onions and green olives) and a lovely cherry pie. I then sat down and watched an episode of Flight of the Conchords while attempting to eat the entire sausage roll (I failed).
For more information on Pulp Fiction and Flight of the Conchords, see below:
I now sit here writing all of this down as if it would be interesting to anyone but me... and I'm realizing at this very moment that it isn't even interesting to me. But I refuse to be depressed. There's a whole cherry pie on the counter and I don't see anyone else around here that I need to share with.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Monday, July 18, 2011
The first rule is, "You do not have love handles."
Watch this clip from one of my favorite movies, Fight Club...
So, is that what a man looks like? The ideology and persistent theme throughout the film Fight Club would have us all answer a resounding, "NO!" But look here...
It's certainly what Brad Pitt looks like. So what conclusion are we meant to draw from this? That a man is not expected to practice what he preaches as long as he's got smokin' hot abs.
Hollywood, you've let me down yet again. Shame on you.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
So, is that what a man looks like? The ideology and persistent theme throughout the film Fight Club would have us all answer a resounding, "NO!" But look here...
It's certainly what Brad Pitt looks like. So what conclusion are we meant to draw from this? That a man is not expected to practice what he preaches as long as he's got smokin' hot abs.
Hollywood, you've let me down yet again. Shame on you.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Friday, March 25, 2011
"Four fried chickens... and a Coke."
My son turned seven on Wednesday. Some of you may remember that I was baffled and found myself caught more than a little off-guard. I'm okay now.
Tomorrow is Jack's birthday party. He and four of his buddies are going to run around our house screaming and shooting each other with Nerf guns. That's pretty much a normal day here, except that from 3 to 5 o'clock tomorrow afternoon I'll have four extra targets.
So, tonight I have to do a little preparation for the party. Nothing major, just write up a few clues for a scavenger hunt. Betsy is going to partake in the biblioscrapicus with some of her yammering gal pals and I'll have very little to do tonight. I find myself faced with a pretty pathetic, very American problem: I must choose a movie to watch.
Here's the list from which I shall choose:
So, I Married an Axe Murderer
The Jerk
something with Batman in it
The Blues Brothers ("I hate Illinois Nazis.")
Due Date
Flight of the Conchords (season one, of course)
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
Watchmen
V for Vendetta
or a bunch of episodes of Top Gear
While writing this post I did the following: I put all three kids to bed, read two chapters of Danny, the Champion of the World (my favorite), spent thirty-two minutes on the phone with my mother-in-law discussing children's books, and put one little girl back to bed (she fell out... I thought someone ran into the front of our house with a moped), and I no longer have time to watch ANYthing.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Tomorrow is Jack's birthday party. He and four of his buddies are going to run around our house screaming and shooting each other with Nerf guns. That's pretty much a normal day here, except that from 3 to 5 o'clock tomorrow afternoon I'll have four extra targets.
So, tonight I have to do a little preparation for the party. Nothing major, just write up a few clues for a scavenger hunt. Betsy is going to partake in the biblioscrapicus with some of her yammering gal pals and I'll have very little to do tonight. I find myself faced with a pretty pathetic, very American problem: I must choose a movie to watch.
Here's the list from which I shall choose:
So, I Married an Axe Murderer
The Jerk
something with Batman in it
The Blues Brothers ("I hate Illinois Nazis.")
Due Date
Flight of the Conchords (season one, of course)
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
Watchmen
V for Vendetta
or a bunch of episodes of Top Gear
While writing this post I did the following: I put all three kids to bed, read two chapters of Danny, the Champion of the World (my favorite), spent thirty-two minutes on the phone with my mother-in-law discussing children's books, and put one little girl back to bed (she fell out... I thought someone ran into the front of our house with a moped), and I no longer have time to watch ANYthing.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Monday, March 7, 2011
The films of Jean-Pierre Jeunet
I have a deep appreciation for quirky cinema.
That was my lead-in.
This is my follow-up: Jean-Pierre Jeunet is one of my favorite directors for this reason.
Most directors these days sacrifice art and emotion for profit. I understand. It's a fickle business and you can either make money while you're actually in the business or you upset the status quo and become unpopular and no one will ever finance one of your movies ever again. It's a choice between being a sell-out and a has-been.
Well, that's in Hollywood. In France, things are a little bit different. I'm assuming here, people. I have absolutely no information on the inner-workings of the French film industry. I'll stop posturing now.
So, this guy Jean-Pierre Jeunet... He's pretty awesome. He tends to set his stories in worlds that might seem an awful lot like the one in which we live, but it doesn't take long for you to realize that, nope, this story is happening someplace very far away. For example, in his 1991 film Delicatessen, seeds, beans, corn, peas, etc., are used as money. In The City of Lost Children (1995), cybernetic religious fanatics forcefully recruit followers while gangs of orphans roam the streets stealing anything they can find.
Jeunet uses many recurring themes in his stories: orphans, the disabled, revenge, carnies, dreamers. He launches his heroes and heroines forward with the understanding that the ends justify the means. Lying, stealing, breaking and entering... all are acceptable, provided that something honorable comes of it. Awkward romance awaits around every corner. Characters with odd talents and bizarre hobbies populate his universes.
Oh, and the films are all in French.
Below are some theatrical trailers for a few of his movies. I hope you will consider giving them a moment of your time.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
This is one of my all-time favorites...
That was my lead-in.
This is my follow-up: Jean-Pierre Jeunet is one of my favorite directors for this reason.
Most directors these days sacrifice art and emotion for profit. I understand. It's a fickle business and you can either make money while you're actually in the business or you upset the status quo and become unpopular and no one will ever finance one of your movies ever again. It's a choice between being a sell-out and a has-been.
Well, that's in Hollywood. In France, things are a little bit different. I'm assuming here, people. I have absolutely no information on the inner-workings of the French film industry. I'll stop posturing now.
So, this guy Jean-Pierre Jeunet... He's pretty awesome. He tends to set his stories in worlds that might seem an awful lot like the one in which we live, but it doesn't take long for you to realize that, nope, this story is happening someplace very far away. For example, in his 1991 film Delicatessen, seeds, beans, corn, peas, etc., are used as money. In The City of Lost Children (1995), cybernetic religious fanatics forcefully recruit followers while gangs of orphans roam the streets stealing anything they can find.
Jeunet uses many recurring themes in his stories: orphans, the disabled, revenge, carnies, dreamers. He launches his heroes and heroines forward with the understanding that the ends justify the means. Lying, stealing, breaking and entering... all are acceptable, provided that something honorable comes of it. Awkward romance awaits around every corner. Characters with odd talents and bizarre hobbies populate his universes.
Oh, and the films are all in French.
Below are some theatrical trailers for a few of his movies. I hope you will consider giving them a moment of your time.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
This is one of my all-time favorites...
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Movies that won't make you smarter, but will at least make you feel like you should be. (Post 5 of 5)
This is it, ladies and other ladies. My two-hundredth post. It's been a long and bumpy ride, but here we are, nowhere nearer knowing where we're going than we were one-hundred and ninety-nine posts ago.
That sounded real nice.
Rushmore (1998) R
Max Fischer is a student at Rushmore Academy, a private boys' school. Surrounded by snobby, rich kids, Max is the ambitious son of a barber. Unfortunately, Max spends most of his time directing plays and starting clubs and is in danger of being expelled. This clashes with his goal of attending Rushmore for the rest of his life. There's hope that he might just hang on... until he falls in love with one of the teachers.
Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, and Olivia Williams form the most awkward, inappropriate love triangle imaginable, and it is our pleasure to watch their lives fall completely apart.
The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) R
This is the story of a family of exceptional individuals with intense trust issues, inspired almost entirely by the patriarch (played painfully well by Gene Hackman). Ben Stiller, Gweneth Paltrow, and Luke Wilson play the Tenenbaum siblings, forced to juggle exceptional talents and deep insecurities. Anjelica Huston plays their mother, Danny Glover her would-be suitor, Bill Murray is Gweneth Paltrow's very confused husband, and Owen Wilson is the man she's sleeping with. It's all very jumbled and wonderful, like a junk drawer filled with things that have no purpose whatsoever, but that you don't have the heart to throw out.
The movie is narrated by Alec Baldwin and has dialogue so dry that a sheet of sandpaper might miss the humor. Yeah, that was a pretty lame metaphor, I know, but I'm not Wes Anderson.
Here's a brief sampling of the brilliance of The Royal Tenenbaums:
That sounded real nice.
Rushmore (1998) R
Max Fischer is a student at Rushmore Academy, a private boys' school. Surrounded by snobby, rich kids, Max is the ambitious son of a barber. Unfortunately, Max spends most of his time directing plays and starting clubs and is in danger of being expelled. This clashes with his goal of attending Rushmore for the rest of his life. There's hope that he might just hang on... until he falls in love with one of the teachers.
Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, and Olivia Williams form the most awkward, inappropriate love triangle imaginable, and it is our pleasure to watch their lives fall completely apart.
The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) R
This is the story of a family of exceptional individuals with intense trust issues, inspired almost entirely by the patriarch (played painfully well by Gene Hackman). Ben Stiller, Gweneth Paltrow, and Luke Wilson play the Tenenbaum siblings, forced to juggle exceptional talents and deep insecurities. Anjelica Huston plays their mother, Danny Glover her would-be suitor, Bill Murray is Gweneth Paltrow's very confused husband, and Owen Wilson is the man she's sleeping with. It's all very jumbled and wonderful, like a junk drawer filled with things that have no purpose whatsoever, but that you don't have the heart to throw out.
The movie is narrated by Alec Baldwin and has dialogue so dry that a sheet of sandpaper might miss the humor. Yeah, that was a pretty lame metaphor, I know, but I'm not Wes Anderson.
Here's a brief sampling of the brilliance of The Royal Tenenbaums:
Eli Cash: I'm worried about you, Richie.
Richie Tenenbaum: Why?
Eli: Well, actually, Margot is, for some reason. But I did find it odd when you said you were in love with her. She's married, you know.Richie: Yeah.
Eli: And she's your sister. Pure Hollywood gold. And if you're wondering why the font has changed, I'm right there with ya'. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004) R If you ask me to choose between The Royal Tenenbaums and The Life Aquatic, I might punch youin the spleen. That isn't a threat I would recommend putting to the test, partially because I don't reallyknow where the spleen is and I might do some serious damage trying to find it. The Life Aquatic is the story of oceanographer/filmmaker, Steve Zissou, who has seen better days. His partner and best friend (one person) was eaten by a mysterious fish and Steve (possibly Bill Murray'sfinest role) vows revenge. On a fish. Very Moby Dick.
This story is positively choking with life lessons: revenge often leads to more revenge, focusing onwhat was lost can often lead us to ignore what we've found, and some other stuff. Mostly it just makes me want my own blue Team Zissou outfit and red stocking cap.
At it's depth, The Life Aquatic tells the story of a man who has nothing left and is learning to live with that. A beautiful story told by some very eccentric people.
So, there you go. My "Movies to see before you die," series is all done. I hope you paid attention. This is the kind of knowledge people go to college for, and you got it for free, so, you're welcome.
Thank you, Matt Beers
Monday, November 1, 2010
Crap movies that my wife loves. (Post 4 of 5)
Today is my wife's birthday. In honor of her, I will review two of her favorite movies.
Twilight. (2008) PG-13
I'm assuming that the majority of my readers, being of the more scholarly variety, will need the plot explained to them in very great detail. I will attempt to do so now.
Twilight is about a little girl named Dora the Explorer. She has a pet monkey named Yoda who desperately needs a kidney. Her insurance company refuses to pay for the kidney. This leads Dora to seek out a kidney on the black market, which is where she meets a handsome young vampire named Count Chocula. Dora falls head-over-backpack in love with the Count, but, after running through the woods a lot, Count Chocula tells her to get lost, which is impossible as Dora has a magic map.
At one point Dora is on the verge of selling her soul in order to become the greatest blues musician in history, but the Count busts in and tells her that there's more money in boy bands. So, she has a sex-change and, with Count Chocula as her manager, she tours the country with her cousins Diego, Handy Manny, and George Lopez. Their tour bus rear-ends an ice-cream truck and they are all burned alive.
The end.
Pride and Prejudice (2005) PG
I've never seen it and I wouldn't want to do it an injustice by making up a bunch of ridiculous stuff just to fulfill an obligation.
Happy birthday, Betsy! I love you, but I hate your taste in movies.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Twilight. (2008) PG-13
I'm assuming that the majority of my readers, being of the more scholarly variety, will need the plot explained to them in very great detail. I will attempt to do so now.
Twilight is about a little girl named Dora the Explorer. She has a pet monkey named Yoda who desperately needs a kidney. Her insurance company refuses to pay for the kidney. This leads Dora to seek out a kidney on the black market, which is where she meets a handsome young vampire named Count Chocula. Dora falls head-over-backpack in love with the Count, but, after running through the woods a lot, Count Chocula tells her to get lost, which is impossible as Dora has a magic map.
At one point Dora is on the verge of selling her soul in order to become the greatest blues musician in history, but the Count busts in and tells her that there's more money in boy bands. So, she has a sex-change and, with Count Chocula as her manager, she tours the country with her cousins Diego, Handy Manny, and George Lopez. Their tour bus rear-ends an ice-cream truck and they are all burned alive.
The end.
Pride and Prejudice (2005) PG
I've never seen it and I wouldn't want to do it an injustice by making up a bunch of ridiculous stuff just to fulfill an obligation.
Happy birthday, Betsy! I love you, but I hate your taste in movies.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Sunday, October 31, 2010
It's another movie post! (Post 3 of 5)
Happy Halloween. Have fun worshiping the Devil tonight. But for those of you who value your souls and would rather do something more constructive with your time, here are a few movies that you may enjoy.
Harry Potter and the First Six Years (2001, '02, '04, '05, '07, '09) PG/PG-13
Even if you live under a rock, you've heard of Harry Potter. And, unless the rock under which you live is, itself, under another, larger rock at the bottom of an underground lake, you've either read or seen at least one of Harry's adventures in J. K. Rowling's world of magic. So I'll not beat this into the ground.
The world of Harry Potter is so incredibly rich and entertaining that even the most puritanical of old biddies would be hard-pressed not to attempt a quick "Expelliarmus" or two, not to mention a hearty "Avada Kedavra," should those pesky trick-or-treaters linger too long on her doorstep.
The following is a brief breakdown of the Harry Potter movies:
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001) PG
The sole survivor of a gruesome attack by a dark wizard, Harry is sent to live with his aunt and uncle who completely and utterly loathe the boy. On Harry's eleventh birthday he discovers that he is, in fact, a wizard and goes off to a special school where he'll learn all about magic and gross candy.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) PG
Harry returns to school amid warnings that horrible things are going to happen, which, of course, they do. A mysterious monster roams the halls of the school, petrifying students, spiders act strangely, and a flying Ford Anglia escapes into the forest.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) PG
This is the one you've been waiting for. The first two movies were fun, but their real purpose is to expose you to the necessary facts so that you'll be prepared for this amazing film. It's much darker than the previous two, with Gary Oldman playing the role of a vicious escaped convict on the hunt for Harry. It's a seriously cool movie.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) PG-13
Skip it. Read the book instead.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) PG
Another amazing movie. Very dark and spooky. Student rebellion, prophetic dreams, crooked government officials, secret societies... all culminating in a very bittersweet ending.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) PG-13
Harry is growing up, he's facing challenges he never dreamed of, he's realizing his limits... and Jim Broadbent completely and utterly steals the show as new professor Horace Slughorn. It's funny, it's dark, and it will bend your mind. You may want to watch this one on the toilet to avoid ruining your pants.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Harry Potter and the First Six Years (2001, '02, '04, '05, '07, '09) PG/PG-13
Even if you live under a rock, you've heard of Harry Potter. And, unless the rock under which you live is, itself, under another, larger rock at the bottom of an underground lake, you've either read or seen at least one of Harry's adventures in J. K. Rowling's world of magic. So I'll not beat this into the ground.
The world of Harry Potter is so incredibly rich and entertaining that even the most puritanical of old biddies would be hard-pressed not to attempt a quick "Expelliarmus" or two, not to mention a hearty "Avada Kedavra," should those pesky trick-or-treaters linger too long on her doorstep.
The following is a brief breakdown of the Harry Potter movies:
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001) PG
The sole survivor of a gruesome attack by a dark wizard, Harry is sent to live with his aunt and uncle who completely and utterly loathe the boy. On Harry's eleventh birthday he discovers that he is, in fact, a wizard and goes off to a special school where he'll learn all about magic and gross candy.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) PG
Harry returns to school amid warnings that horrible things are going to happen, which, of course, they do. A mysterious monster roams the halls of the school, petrifying students, spiders act strangely, and a flying Ford Anglia escapes into the forest.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) PG
This is the one you've been waiting for. The first two movies were fun, but their real purpose is to expose you to the necessary facts so that you'll be prepared for this amazing film. It's much darker than the previous two, with Gary Oldman playing the role of a vicious escaped convict on the hunt for Harry. It's a seriously cool movie.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) PG-13
Skip it. Read the book instead.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) PG
Another amazing movie. Very dark and spooky. Student rebellion, prophetic dreams, crooked government officials, secret societies... all culminating in a very bittersweet ending.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) PG-13
Harry is growing up, he's facing challenges he never dreamed of, he's realizing his limits... and Jim Broadbent completely and utterly steals the show as new professor Horace Slughorn. It's funny, it's dark, and it will bend your mind. You may want to watch this one on the toilet to avoid ruining your pants.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Saturday, October 30, 2010
More movies to see before you die (Post 2 of 5)
Before I get down to the business at hand, which has nothing to do with business or hands, oddly enough, I'd like to do a typical blog thing and tell you about my day.
It started out really, really bad. I woke up. After shrugging that disappointment off, I ate some breakfast and some other stuff happened and then I went hiking with my son. It was possibly one of the nicest times he and I have spent together. No one complained about stupid things (which is what Jack usually does) and no one got impatient and angry about stupid things (which is what I usually do). The weather was very Autumnal and the sun was doing that beautiful slanting-shafts-of-light thing it does in the fall. We had walking sticks and I had a big knife strapped to my hip and we yelled at some ducks... This is what being a dad is all about.
Now to the stuff...
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) R
Now, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not a huge Will Ferrell fan. He's funny enough, but he takes roles that are poorly written in movies that are poorly directed. In my opinion he has about four movies under his belt that I would suggest wasting your time on, and they are Elf (2003), Anchorman (2004), Stranger Than Fiction (2006), and... that's it. Okay three movies.
But Anchorman is pretty stinkin' funny. It's about San Diego's number one news anchor, Ron Burgundy (who has some interesting insight on San Diego's history). The year is... vague-ish. Sometime in one of the polyester decades. Anyway, Ron and his buddies (played by Paul Rudd (who is hilarious), Steve Carell (who steals nearly every scene he's in by uttering infamous lines like "I love lamp,") and Todd Packer (who I don't like enough to look up his real name)) are local celebrities and pretty much have the run of the town. Everyone loves them and life couldn't be better. Enter Veronica Corningstone (played by Christina Applegate (played by Kelly Bundy)), a no-nonsense news anchor who refuses to allow her male coworkers to sexually discriminate against or harass or proposition... her. (All of the above parentheses make this hard to follow as I write. I apologize for any confusion and suggest you just skip to the next review.)
Will Ferrell was born for this role. He delivers his lines with an almost eerie understanding of Ron Burgundy's shallowness and thickheadedness (which is totally a word). For example:
Ron Burgundy (looking at himself in the mirror): "I look good. I look real good. HEY! EVERYONE! COME SEE HOW GOOD I LOOK!"
So, watch it with three of your closest friends. If you watch it by yourself you'll wonder if you're missing something.
And then watch this movie: Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (2009) PG
One of my closest, least "prone to use hyperbole when discussing a movie" friends and I have come to an agreement that this movie may just be the funniest animated movie of all time. Funnier even than Schindler's List, if you can believe it.
If you loved the book as a child, don't worry. The movie is nothing like it. Amateur inventor Flint Lockwood (Bill Hader) invents a machine that will turn water into food. But through a very subtle mishap ("subtle" being completely the wrong word to use) the machine ends up in the stratosphere and begins raining food down on the town below.
If you love sardines, political corruption, childhood celebrities trying pathetically to hold on to the glory of their past, monkey thought translators, not-so-secret science labs, humongous food, Mr. T, the biggest unibrow I've ever seen, jokes uttered with every breath and implied in-between, indestructible, spray-on footwear, and teeny-tiny splash zones, you'll really appreciate this movie.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
It started out really, really bad. I woke up. After shrugging that disappointment off, I ate some breakfast and some other stuff happened and then I went hiking with my son. It was possibly one of the nicest times he and I have spent together. No one complained about stupid things (which is what Jack usually does) and no one got impatient and angry about stupid things (which is what I usually do). The weather was very Autumnal and the sun was doing that beautiful slanting-shafts-of-light thing it does in the fall. We had walking sticks and I had a big knife strapped to my hip and we yelled at some ducks... This is what being a dad is all about.
Now to the stuff...
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) R
Now, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not a huge Will Ferrell fan. He's funny enough, but he takes roles that are poorly written in movies that are poorly directed. In my opinion he has about four movies under his belt that I would suggest wasting your time on, and they are Elf (2003), Anchorman (2004), Stranger Than Fiction (2006), and... that's it. Okay three movies.
But Anchorman is pretty stinkin' funny. It's about San Diego's number one news anchor, Ron Burgundy (who has some interesting insight on San Diego's history). The year is... vague-ish. Sometime in one of the polyester decades. Anyway, Ron and his buddies (played by Paul Rudd (who is hilarious), Steve Carell (who steals nearly every scene he's in by uttering infamous lines like "I love lamp,") and Todd Packer (who I don't like enough to look up his real name)) are local celebrities and pretty much have the run of the town. Everyone loves them and life couldn't be better. Enter Veronica Corningstone (played by Christina Applegate (played by Kelly Bundy)), a no-nonsense news anchor who refuses to allow her male coworkers to sexually discriminate against or harass or proposition... her. (All of the above parentheses make this hard to follow as I write. I apologize for any confusion and suggest you just skip to the next review.)
Will Ferrell was born for this role. He delivers his lines with an almost eerie understanding of Ron Burgundy's shallowness and thickheadedness (which is totally a word). For example:
Ron Burgundy (looking at himself in the mirror): "I look good. I look real good. HEY! EVERYONE! COME SEE HOW GOOD I LOOK!"
So, watch it with three of your closest friends. If you watch it by yourself you'll wonder if you're missing something.
And then watch this movie: Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (2009) PG
One of my closest, least "prone to use hyperbole when discussing a movie" friends and I have come to an agreement that this movie may just be the funniest animated movie of all time. Funnier even than Schindler's List, if you can believe it.
If you loved the book as a child, don't worry. The movie is nothing like it. Amateur inventor Flint Lockwood (Bill Hader) invents a machine that will turn water into food. But through a very subtle mishap ("subtle" being completely the wrong word to use) the machine ends up in the stratosphere and begins raining food down on the town below.
If you love sardines, political corruption, childhood celebrities trying pathetically to hold on to the glory of their past, monkey thought translators, not-so-secret science labs, humongous food, Mr. T, the biggest unibrow I've ever seen, jokes uttered with every breath and implied in-between, indestructible, spray-on footwear, and teeny-tiny splash zones, you'll really appreciate this movie.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Friday, October 29, 2010
Movies to see before you die (Post 1 of 5).
I'm coming up on my two-hundredth post and I was thinking that I ought to do something special, and so, inspired by my friends over at Two Bibliomaniacs as well as a conversation I had last night with some good friends (one of them being One Bibliomaniac), I've decided to review ten movies that I think everyone should see. I will do two reviews per post and I will take as long as I darn well please to do so. Enjoy.
Juno (2007) PG-13
Jason Reitman (son of legendary director Ivan Reitman of Animal House fame) directs Ellen Page in this Academy Award-nominated story (written by ex-stripper, Diablo Cody... you don't have to like her, but you have to like her name) about a young girl, Juno Macguff, who gets pregnant and chooses to put the child up for adoption, all while being charmingly smarmy. Her peers, contemporaries, and associates are shockingly well cast, with Michael Cera nearly stealing the show as the sweet and remarkably naive Pauly Bleeker. It's amazing that Cera can maintain his character's childlike innocence in spite of the fact that he's the father of Juno's unborn child.
The dialogue is so dryly humorous and endearing that it's easy to find yourself wanting to watch this movie over and over. For example:
Bleeker: "Um, I did the prep questions for this lab last night. So you can just copy my answers if you..."
Juno: "Oh, I couldn't copy your work."
Bleeker: "You copy my work every week."
Juno: "True. I'm kind of a deadbeat lab partner, aren't I?"
Bleeker: "No, I don't mind. I think you definitely bring something to the table."
Juno: "Charisma."
So, go rent Juno. It's awesome.
You know what else is awesome? The Big Lebowski. (1998... wow, has it really been twelve years?) R
But before you rush out and rent this gem, know this: Some young cinema lover edited a selection of clips from The Big Lebowski using every single swear word in the film. The finished product is just over four minutes. Four minutes of cussing. Four minutes of highly offensive nano-syllables. Four minutes of jaw-dropping obscenity that would make even the most hardened free-speech activist uncomfortable. It's pretty great.
Briefly, The Big Lebowski is a story of a missing woman, a million-dollar ransom, a bunch of artsy-fartsy weirdos, some nihilists, league bowling, unchecked aggression, over-priced urns, a ringer for a ringer, the chief of police of Malibu, a pornographer/loan shark, White Russians (the drink, not the people), the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, rug vandals, and, most importantly, the Dude.
This is quite possibly Jeff Bridges' most important work. Written by the Cohen brothers, it chronicles several days in the life of pot-smoking, unemployed, amateur bowler, Jeffery Lebowski (although he insists that people call him "The Dude"). He is mistaken for a millionaire (also named Jeffery Lebowski) whose wife owes money to a local pornographer named Jackie Treehorn. As a warning to the Dude that he'd better pay up, one of Treehorn's henchmen pees on the Dude's rug, which, as he puts it, "really tied the room together." The Dude's best friend, Walter (played brilliantly by John Goodman), convinces him to seek out the other Jeffery Lebowski to seek retribution for the soiled rug. Then a whole bunch of other stuff happens and if I keep going I'll end up telling you the whole movie.
That's all for now. I shall now go and eat a delicious dinner.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Juno (2007) PG-13
Jason Reitman (son of legendary director Ivan Reitman of Animal House fame) directs Ellen Page in this Academy Award-nominated story (written by ex-stripper, Diablo Cody... you don't have to like her, but you have to like her name) about a young girl, Juno Macguff, who gets pregnant and chooses to put the child up for adoption, all while being charmingly smarmy. Her peers, contemporaries, and associates are shockingly well cast, with Michael Cera nearly stealing the show as the sweet and remarkably naive Pauly Bleeker. It's amazing that Cera can maintain his character's childlike innocence in spite of the fact that he's the father of Juno's unborn child.
The dialogue is so dryly humorous and endearing that it's easy to find yourself wanting to watch this movie over and over. For example:
Bleeker: "Um, I did the prep questions for this lab last night. So you can just copy my answers if you..."
Juno: "Oh, I couldn't copy your work."
Bleeker: "You copy my work every week."
Juno: "True. I'm kind of a deadbeat lab partner, aren't I?"
Bleeker: "No, I don't mind. I think you definitely bring something to the table."
Juno: "Charisma."
So, go rent Juno. It's awesome.
You know what else is awesome? The Big Lebowski. (1998... wow, has it really been twelve years?) R
But before you rush out and rent this gem, know this: Some young cinema lover edited a selection of clips from The Big Lebowski using every single swear word in the film. The finished product is just over four minutes. Four minutes of cussing. Four minutes of highly offensive nano-syllables. Four minutes of jaw-dropping obscenity that would make even the most hardened free-speech activist uncomfortable. It's pretty great.
Briefly, The Big Lebowski is a story of a missing woman, a million-dollar ransom, a bunch of artsy-fartsy weirdos, some nihilists, league bowling, unchecked aggression, over-priced urns, a ringer for a ringer, the chief of police of Malibu, a pornographer/loan shark, White Russians (the drink, not the people), the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, rug vandals, and, most importantly, the Dude.
This is quite possibly Jeff Bridges' most important work. Written by the Cohen brothers, it chronicles several days in the life of pot-smoking, unemployed, amateur bowler, Jeffery Lebowski (although he insists that people call him "The Dude"). He is mistaken for a millionaire (also named Jeffery Lebowski) whose wife owes money to a local pornographer named Jackie Treehorn. As a warning to the Dude that he'd better pay up, one of Treehorn's henchmen pees on the Dude's rug, which, as he puts it, "really tied the room together." The Dude's best friend, Walter (played brilliantly by John Goodman), convinces him to seek out the other Jeffery Lebowski to seek retribution for the soiled rug. Then a whole bunch of other stuff happens and if I keep going I'll end up telling you the whole movie.
That's all for now. I shall now go and eat a delicious dinner.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Saturday, July 31, 2010
A bunch of pictures from Serbia...
Yeah, I decided not to do a bunch of pictures from Serbia. And instead of changing the title of this post, I thought it would be best to write this explanation. I'm lazy and I have an uncontrollable need to make things more complicated. It's a very conflicted life I lead.
Anyway, Betsy is spending the day at a friend's lake cottage. She and her friends are scrap-booking while the husbands stay home with all of the kids. So, today, the kids had Pop Tarts for breakfast and were introduced to Ren and Stimpy. I'm not a bad father, really, I'm not. But it's raining and Betsy always has tons of activities for the kids to do and I think they get burned-out sometimes. So, every now and then I like to let them lay around and be typical American children. If that means they go to bed a little dumber and a little more likely to contract heart disease or diabetes, so be it.
As I write this, the kids are watching Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. I LOVE this movie. It's weird and hilarious. I recently saw another movie that fit this same description. It's a Belgian-made, stop-motion animation with French dialogue called A Town Called Panic. It's frickin' awesome. Watch this review.
Also, don't forget to order your copy of Ferocious Quarterly. All proceeds go to support... the second issue of Ferocious Quarterly. Just buy it. Buy ten. Give one to your mom.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Anyway, Betsy is spending the day at a friend's lake cottage. She and her friends are scrap-booking while the husbands stay home with all of the kids. So, today, the kids had Pop Tarts for breakfast and were introduced to Ren and Stimpy. I'm not a bad father, really, I'm not. But it's raining and Betsy always has tons of activities for the kids to do and I think they get burned-out sometimes. So, every now and then I like to let them lay around and be typical American children. If that means they go to bed a little dumber and a little more likely to contract heart disease or diabetes, so be it.
As I write this, the kids are watching Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. I LOVE this movie. It's weird and hilarious. I recently saw another movie that fit this same description. It's a Belgian-made, stop-motion animation with French dialogue called A Town Called Panic. It's frickin' awesome. Watch this review.
Also, don't forget to order your copy of Ferocious Quarterly. All proceeds go to support... the second issue of Ferocious Quarterly. Just buy it. Buy ten. Give one to your mom.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Gazebo Watch '92!
The rain has not yet flattened my gazebo, but it's been quite a battle. It's been raining on and off since I put the thing up and...
If you don't know what I'm talking about, read my last post.
... the canopy keeps collecting water. It sags down in these big, pregnant pouches that have to be emptied periodically like fluid from some seriously effed-up lungs. Basically, I take a golf club and push up on the canopy and the water dumps out all over the ground, flooding our landscaping.
For now it stands, though the battle rages on.
In more relevant and recent news, I feel the need to bring to your attention a few actors who have continually wowed me with their mad skillz. They are as follows:
Jim Broadbent.
Notable performances: Brazil, Iris, Moulin Rouge!, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
Notable Performances: The Big Lebowski, Almost Famous, The Invention of Lying, Pirate Radio
Paul Giamatti.
Notable performances: Lady in the Water, American Splendor (Stop whatever you're doing and watch this movie. Minds will be blown and pants will be filled... not out of fear, but because your mind will be blown and without a mind you'll die and when you die you sort of lose bowel control. That's just how it works.)
Robert Downey Jr.
Notable performances: Chaplin, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Sherlock Holmes
Now, I'm very certain that I've overlooked some crucial performance by at least one, if not all, of these actors. If you have spotted an oversight that you feel the general public should be made aware of, start your own blog.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
If you don't know what I'm talking about, read my last post.
... the canopy keeps collecting water. It sags down in these big, pregnant pouches that have to be emptied periodically like fluid from some seriously effed-up lungs. Basically, I take a golf club and push up on the canopy and the water dumps out all over the ground, flooding our landscaping.
For now it stands, though the battle rages on.
In more relevant and recent news, I feel the need to bring to your attention a few actors who have continually wowed me with their mad skillz. They are as follows:
Jim Broadbent.
Notable performances: Brazil, Iris, Moulin Rouge!, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
Notable Performances: The Big Lebowski, Almost Famous, The Invention of Lying, Pirate Radio
Paul Giamatti.
Notable performances: Lady in the Water, American Splendor (Stop whatever you're doing and watch this movie. Minds will be blown and pants will be filled... not out of fear, but because your mind will be blown and without a mind you'll die and when you die you sort of lose bowel control. That's just how it works.)
Robert Downey Jr.
Notable performances: Chaplin, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Sherlock Holmes
Now, I'm very certain that I've overlooked some crucial performance by at least one, if not all, of these actors. If you have spotted an oversight that you feel the general public should be made aware of, start your own blog.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I ate some cheddar cheese popcorn and now my mouth tastes like feet.
I remember watching Encino Man in the eighth grade and thinking that I was witnessing the zenith of man's cinematic achievement. It's shocking how close to the truth I was. Since the eighth grade I have seen several movies which I feel deserve recognition which they were not granted. While some of these may not be quite up to the standards of Encino Man (Pauly Shore can only do so much), I hope you will consider them the next time you are selecting films for your evening entertainment.
The Triplets of Belleville
The Fisher King
Amelie
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Visioneers
The Triplets of Belleville is a French film, but it really doesn't matter if you don't speak French as there is no dialogue to follow. Amelie, also French, is kinda chatty.
I'm going to go watch one of these now.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
The Triplets of Belleville
The Fisher King
Amelie
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Visioneers
The Triplets of Belleville is a French film, but it really doesn't matter if you don't speak French as there is no dialogue to follow. Amelie, also French, is kinda chatty.
I'm going to go watch one of these now.
Thank you,
Matt Beers
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