If you are ever given the task of designing the body of an aircraft, the most resilient, self-sufficient aircraft ever made, you may want to consider the following:
Start by putting the most essential equipment, the computer designated to control navigation, altitude, things like that, put it right up front. Then, the engine, the part that makes sure the aircraft stays mobile, put that slightly behind the cockpit. Now, protect those two areas with the heaviest armored plating available. The fuel system should remain along the belly, making it vulnerable, but easily repairable. Wings out to the sides, landing gear in the usual place.
Now comes the tricky part.
The engine will produce a sterile liquid waste which should exit the aircraft through a seemingly insignificant hose protruding from the belly, near the tail. The pilot, in spite of the most rigorous training, will convince himself that this hose is the most important part of the craft and most of what he does will be done in the service of this hose. The pilot's actions in regards to this hose will cause many of the aircraft's more delicate, less interesting systems to suffer. Furthermore, there will be twin self-destruct buttons located immediately aft of this hose. They will be completely exposed and unprotected and will frequently get smacked by the pilot's friends, who will think it a terrific joke.
Thank you, Lord, for testicles.
Matt Beers
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