It's all in the pants.

When I was a kid I always wanted to grow up to be like Willy Wonka. I wasn't interested in being a candy maker, I just wanted to be eccentric and weird. Now I'm grown up. Am I eccentric and weird? A little. I think my wardrobe needs some freaking out, but for the most part I'd say that I'm approaching a Wonka-esque persona at a pretty decent clip.

What steps can I take to achieve my dream? For starters I need to worry less about what others think of my appearance. Anyone who knows me might be thinking, "How could he possibly worry LESS about his appearance?" While I do tend to dress like a bum, I do so with a purpose. It keeps strangers at arms-length, which is where I prefer my strangers to be kept. The beard and the tattoos are all part of it. I doubt I could win a fight, but not many people seeing me for the first time would want to chance it. This reasoning would imply that I spend a lot of time in places like the Mos Eisley Cantina, where people have been known to lose arms, when the truth of the thing is that I feel rather out of place anywhere more intimidating than a Chili's. They have some pretty good queso dip, by the way.

What I am considering is this: shave my beard, grow out my hair, buy some stripey pants and fun socks, and just go for it. This, I fear, is the likely outcome:



Or this.

I will now re-examine my approach to fulfilling my dream.

Thank you,
Matt Beers