"Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight!"

Okay, I need to get going on this book review thing or I'll never get going on this book review thing. (Try and argue with THAT!) You should keep in mind, however, that I've been drinking Irish Cream and milk, so whatever I say might be just a bit... stupid.

Right now I'm re-reading The Lord of the Rings, but I'm not nerdy enough to review it properly. I just read The Castaways of the Flying Dutchman, by Brian Jacques (better known as "the Redwall guy"), but I don't really feel like reviewing it. Before that I re-read a Harry Potter book. Before that... I don't remember. I'm gonna have to dip into my bag of tried-and-true favorites, I guess. How 'bout Treasure Island?

If you've never read Treasure Island (and there's a pretty good chance that you haven't) get your head out of your butt, wash your hair, and do some reading! Robert Louis Stevenson tells the story of how young Jim Hawkins meets a mysterious sailor known as "the Captain" who darkens Jim's doorstep just long enough to terrorize the local villagers and then die. According to Doctor Livesay, the local... wait for it... doctor, the official cause of death is rum, but I highly suspect that the stroke the Captain suffers also plays a part in the rogue's early demise. As a result of the Captain's death, Jim comes into possession of a mysterious map with very specific markings on it labeled "the bulk of the treasure lies here" and things of that nature which lead Jim, Doctor Livesay, and this other guy, Squire Trelawny, to come to the conclusion that the map is a treasure map. So, Trelawny buys a ship, The Hispaniola, hires a crew (among them a one-legged sea-cook called John Silver, famous for his hush puppies), and they all set off to find the treasure.

Fo' reals, this book is awesome. The good guys are all naive and innocent and the bad guys are all treacherous and bloodthirsty. The story is sprinkled liberally with action and suspense and a false history which makes you feel like you could be reading the second half of a much longer book.

I tried to read it when I was younger, but the dated vernacular held me up. The first time I successfully read it through, I was in my early to mid-twenties and it blew my mind. I'd never read such an ominous book that was so clearly meant for children. There are descriptions of murders and gruesome threats on every other page. Even our hero, the boy Jim Hawkins, is forced to kill a man in order to survive. Very heavy stuff, indeed.

If, like me

Sorry. My youngest daughter just threw up all over her room and I was granted the honor of clearing away the rubble while my wife gave her a bath and now, my nose filled with the smell of sick and my arms thoroughly scrubbed up to the elbows (and I still don't feel clean), I have lost my train of thought. I'm sure I was about to say something very radical and Earth-shaking. Now we'll never know. Thanks a lot, Zoe.

And thank you,
      Matt Beers