My insides are a desert. And, if you're a Zombie, a dessert!

I've been having some seriously weird symptoms the last few days. I'm dizzy most of the time, I go from being absolutely freezing to sweating profusely with no warning, I have no appetite all day and then, around eleven at night, I'm ravenous, my skin hurts constantly, my pee is dark orange, and my poops aren't nearly as much fun as they usually are. I'm tired and unfocused and I have no motivation whatsoever. Those last three symptoms are omnipresent, but the other stuff is pretty new.

I did a little research on the information superweb and I think I have found the problem: dehydration. Dehydration is a fancy word for "drying out." Dehydration occurs when a person experiences a period of heavy exertion and fails to replenish the fluids they lose. Or when an overweight person drinks primarily cherry cola and Irish Cream.

The solution? There is this stuff called "water." In Germany I believe it's called "Wasser." The capitalization alone makes me think it must be pretty important. To showcase just how much importance the Germans put on this mystery fluid, I will now list other words they capitalize, just for reference.

backpack
laser
bear
trampoline
Nerf gun
Lincolnberry pancake
dehydration

So you can see that this water stuff is no joke. There's an international grocery store downtown. I think I'll try to score some. It's probably a special-order item. That would totally happen to me.

Thank you,
      Matt Beers