The following is last year's Christmas newsletter.
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Greetings and welcome to the bajillionth annual Beers Christmas newsletter. 2009 was a great year busting at the seams with all sorts of hogwash and shenanigans, so let’s get started.
Last December, right after the newsletter was sent out, Matt and Betsy found out they were expecting another miniature human. The incubation process went well and after a very long and sweaty summer, Zoe Campbell Beers was surgically inserted into the world. “So far,” she says, “it’s not what I expected. I thought there’d be more car-chases and explosions. And more ninjas.” Me too, Zoe. Me too.
Macy, the Beers’ old daughter (they’ve decided to keep her, in spite of the newer model) very much enjoys having her baby sister around… so far. She likes talking to her and tickling her and shoving the pacifier into Zoe’s mouth and putting blankets over Zoe’s face. Macy also enjoys everything else in the entire world. She loves books, music, movies, dolls, cars, dress-up clothes, baths, lip-balm, forts, flashlights, lunch, swings, coloring, t-ball, dancing, laughing, the alphabet, princesses, spinning, monsters, Monsters, Inc., Monsters vs. Aliens, and monster trucks. She’ll be hard-pressed as a teenager to get bored.
Macy learned to walk this year, and she grew some hair. She also got a new bedroom complete with a large, plush trampoline which her parents insist on calling a “big-girl bed.” She’s super smart and shows early signs of being manipulative.
Jack is back from the Middle East where he sat everyone down and explained the situation. Now everything’s cool and the entire United States Senate has a standing Thursday afternoon appointment to go to the Beers house and play Hot Wheels in Jack’s room. When not busy being a diplomat, Jack enjoys Star Wars, Harry Potter, Bakugan, and video games. He began kindergarten this year and has already begun plotting to overthrow the principal. Apparently his diplomatic good-nature applies only to foreign policy. This is something Matt and Betsy have been working on, but Jack, like any good guerilla leader, has resisted their propaganda.
Building on the rubble of the 2008 Soccer Debacle (which is really fun to say out loud), Jack gave t-ball a chance and loved it. He currently plays basketball on the Gold Team at Huntertown Elementary.
Betsy has started her own cash for gold business. She’s calling it, “Give me your stuff and I’ll get back to you.” She’s having some trouble getting incorporated, but first quarter projections for 2010 look very favorable. In the meantime, she is pursuing her interest in photography, refusing, repeatedly, Matt’s offer to pose nude.
Betsy has made it rather clear that no mention is to be made of her more recent, post-birth activities, which involve counting points and complaining about her pants. I’ve said too much already.
Matt, his dreams of becoming a nude photography model having been unsympathetically dashed by his wife, has turned his frustrations into something constructive, namely, interpretive dance. He loves the feeling of expression and freedom that comes with jumping around in tights. And sometimes without the tights. Mostly without the tights. Anyway… awkward… Matt has spent most of 2009 cleaning the garage. Literally.
Thank you for taking the time to read up on our lives, however many lies may have been contained in this summary. May your holidays be happy and full in their political correctness.
The Beers Family (see below for annual Haiku)
This January,
don’t forget, the eleventh
is Matthew’s birthday.
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Thank you,
Matt Beers
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